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[01 Jul 2006|11:02am]
[ mood | Tired. ]

You'll definitely want to check these out.Collapse )
She's a player and a downright whore.

[08 Oct 2005|11:24pm]
[ mood | nostaglic. frustrated. angry. ]

I have a plan. I also have people who make me genuinely happy. I thank, whoever, for them. Today ended up good & I'm really glad.

downright whore.

[27 Aug 2005|07:52pm]
[ mood | goofy. ]

you have no idea what a waste of time my weekend is.Collapse )
She's a player and a downright whore.

[22 Jul 2005|09:56pm]
[ mood | Pissed! ]

01. I'm sick of sitting around and waiting for something exciting to happen.
02. Today, I found heaven.
03. I want my birthday to be absolutely fabulous.
04. I need to go see my grandparents.
05. I am very lonely.
06. I wish someone would have a fabulous party and invite me.
07. Long skirts are amazing.
08. Missy is going to get over her self-doubt and paint the eiffel tower in my new room.
09. I have never wanted to be somewhere else this much in my life.
10. I am going shopping tomorrow. I better get some fabulous stuff.

downright whore.

[14 Jul 2005|10:29pm]
[ mood | Indecisive. ]

Help! I need advice because I clearly am indecisive.Collapse )
She's a player and a downright whore.

[26 Jun 2005|12:03am]
[ mood | bored? freaked out. ]

ten years.
that was today.
i didn't like it.
it was weird.
She's a player and a downright whore.

[24 Jun 2005|11:55pm]
[ mood | efogih haha, giddy & stressed. ]

I had fun with Meg the other night. We did lots of things and took some pictures.

Yay for best friends!Collapse )

& of course, two more just for fun!Collapse )
She's a player and a downright whore.

[23 Jun 2005|01:55am]
[ mood | read the god damn entry. ]

I'm exhausted. & yet I can't sleep. I feel so neutrotic and all I can think about is plans for the summer. I want to re-do my room so bad. I know exactly what I want to do and everything and yet I know I'm not going to be allowed to. Which is fucking stupid because it's my room. But I can't afford it because it's not fucking legal for me to have a job. All I can think about is doing something, getting off my ass and moving and I can't bring myself to do it. I need a job and I know I can handle it and do it and yet I'm not allowed to. What the fuck is that, honestly. I want my long hair back and I want something to fucking do. I don't wanna do Les Miserbalerj or whatever the hell it's called. I just don't feel like it. But I feel like doing something. Just not that. I'm not in an acting/singing/dancing mood. I'm in a creative/re-decorating/shopping/working/goingsomewhere/french/fuckkkkkkkkkk mood. Oh, right. That too. I wanna go to France. I have to stop being such a fuck-up. I think I fucked up my end of the year grades. I don't even wanna know what my classes are for next year. I think I might go nuts next year. I don't want to go back to school. Ever again. Neutrotic. Welcome to the fucking club. ltz fck. I want a good book to read too. Things I need: boxes, paint, deconstruction tools, paint brushes, shelves for my closet. I miss my friends already. I have to do a recital this fucking weekend & I do not want to. I hate my costumes, they're fucking horrible. Woahrouirg so fucked up, angsty, happy, tired, sad, lonely, upset, estatic, bored. Can't even describe how I feel.

edit: I hate not being good enough for my friends. How come I never get invited to hang out. Don't even tell me to ask, because I know everyone else didn't ask. I hate the feeling of seeing everyone's journals, so damn happy and together, and I sit here at 2:11 in the morning wondering what happened to make me not good enough anymore. Am I too mature for everyone, too much of a five year old, too fat, or ugly or dumb or smart. What is it about me that makes me not good enough to hang out with my own friends? Are you guys not even my friends? Do you just tell me that to get me to shut up only to have me wonder why we're friends and we never hang out? Do you all assume I'm busy with my older friends and therefore I'm not available to hang out? Let me tell you guys something. I'm not! I'm never fucking busy. At least, hardly ever. I've had like five people tell me before that they just assume I'm not gonna be able to hang out because I'm gonna be out with my upperclassman friends. I'M NOT! Fuck. What did I do wrong? Is it so wrong to want to be included?! Call me sometime you guys. Ask me how I'm doing. Ask me over, or out to dinner. I'll go shopping with you. I'll listen to you complain, as long as that's not the only thing you want me to do. I'll give you an honest opinion. Whatever you want. Just call. Call and just talk to me. I love to talk to people, I love hanging out. And yet, it never seems to happen. I don't understand and I never really have. Am I just complain buddy? The girl you all go to when you need help but you don't really actually like since you never hang out with her or talk to her? I'm being neurotic, as usual, but seriously, I don't get it.

I don't give a fuck if you read this or not. If you did, comment, tell me what the hell is up with me.

She's a player and a downright whore.

[19 Jun 2005|10:07pm]
[ mood | bored. & tired too. ]

So the moral of the story is: do not leave a carton of chinese food in the microwave and walk away. When you come back, it could be on fire.

She's a player and a downright whore.

[18 Jun 2005|12:22am]
[ mood | wicked friggin happy. ]

I feel like my throat is disintegrating inside of me. It's horrible.
I'm tired and I have to get up early tomorrow.
But today was really great.
I got home after doing so-so on two finals.
I made breakfast & watched star wars.
I slept during which I was repeatedly woken by people calling for me & my mom.
I recieved a call for the Arts Alliance. It was some woman who's name I don't remember. She said to me, "I was going through the names of people doing Les Mis" & I didn't see your name on the list. I saw you last night in the play and I was astonished that you aren't doing it." And I was like, "Um, well I still don't know." And she's like, "Well it starts next Thursday, so you better decide quickly." So I guess I'm going to do it. It'll be something useful and fun to do for a month.
I woke up.
I went to the grocery store.
I bought hair dye.
I dyed my hair. It's pretty, and I like it.
I came home. I ate dinner.
I went to Charlie's house. Me, him, Emily & Rich had a wild party.
Or at least a minor tickle fight on top of me. Crazy gtz!
Then I came home.
Now I am here. Writing this ridiculous update.

#1. So, earlier I was thinking about how a couple of my friends are like going out with people or in love or whatever and I was trying to figure out if I was jealous or not. And just now, I realize how I'm not. I don't want true love, I want real love. Just love. And that love is everywhere, so there's no need to go searching for it. At least not now. I've got it. And I'm happy with it.
#2. If anyone of you ever feel the need to fuck yourselves up, please do not. I learned my lesson too late for that but what's done is done. I'm completely willing to listen to anyone who wants to complain. I won't tell you to shut up or be quiet because you're being annoying. Cutting is an issue but it's stupid and there is always someone who you can talk to. Hey guys, I'm crazy. You know that! I'll listen to whatever you have to say and I'll try not to judge you by what you say.
#3. I have a crush on New York City.

comments would be appreciated.
She's a player and a downright whore.

twelvth night! [16 Jun 2005|10:31pm]
[ mood | chillin. ]

most wonderful!Collapse )
She's a player and a downright whore.

[15 Jun 2005|10:34pm]
[ mood | okay. ]

smashingramps: im going to call you
smashingramps: BILLY OCEAN

.... hi, i love you.
but sadly i hate latin.
& finals. oh boy, do finals suck.
but for some reason, jason makes latin so easy. i guess that's why he's majoring in it! whatevz.
i think hoez are funny. & so is my screen name. but i hate people who spell "your" wrong & say either, "ur" or "you're".
it bugs me a lot. just to let you know.
it's quite sad how i never talk to leah anymore. i guess she's like ... with better people or whatever. if you read this, i kind of miss you & you're goofiness.
well, i'm off this.


She's a player and a downright whore.

[06 Jun 2005|06:58pm]
[ mood | happy. genuinely. ]

so we've grown apart. we're not the same people. you're different as am i. i can't help changing. i don't want to change who i've become. i like her better. i'll be okay. you've been alright without me for a long time. i know you don't want to listen to me anymore. i know you perfer to be with other people than me & so whatever.

on a better note, i spent the afternoon with missy. she seemed to enjoy my kittens a lot, as you can see hereCollapse )

comment? yes, i think so.
She's a player and a downright whore.

advice. i don't care if you don't take it, again it's more for me than you. [02 Jun 2005|08:40pm]
[ mood | mmmmm. ]

if you don't care about someone or don't like them, don't fake it. it's not worth it in the end. & don't be boring. because that makes people want to kill you. my personal idea on that is that i'd rather make someone really happy or make them laugh or make them cry or make them angry than bore them. the extremes are just much more fun. if you like the way things are, keep them that way. if you don't like them, change it. if you don't like the way it is again, change it again. if you keep changing it & you can't satisfy yourself then get over it and figure out what's wrong with you. find someone to talk to. it's better that way. make sure they're nice and that they're a real person. make sure they give really good hugs and will make you laugh even when you're sobbing your eyes out. if they flirt with you and you know they're kidding, ignore it, it's all in good nature. make sure they're honest and willing to hurt your feelings a little rather than to see you get really hurt. you'll understand in the end even if it takes a while. everything is understandable after a while. if you're thinking of doing something that might end up being really fucked-up in the end, find someone honest to tell you if it's a bad idea or not. hopefully, they'll know what/who you're talking about and they won't be an asshole about telling you it's a shitty idea and you're going to end up getting hurt. don't automatically assume your problems will go away as soon as you become happy again. they won't. watch a lot of sex & the city. it'll make you really happy. if you become unhappy again, watch more sex & the city. or go shopping with someone who'll tell you if what you're buying is hot. (this is for everyone else reading this.) don't beam, it makes people laugh at you. a lot. & that just sucks. (back to me again) find time to make jewelry, collages, paint, sing, dance, read, play with your hair, draw and write. even if you don't get enough sleep, a lot of things like that end up being very worth the time. if you're not good at it, don't give up. 1.) that'd be a huge waste of time. 2.) you'll get better if you keep practicing. if something bores you, move on, but stay within the same range. for example; swicthing from trumpet to french horn. same general area, but! it's different. go to the theater. be in the theater! do something you enjoy. it makes it all better. sleep a lot. make sure you everything you need to do & sleep. as much as possible. if that's only six hours on weekdays and thirteen hours on weekends, so be it. every problem has a root problem, so if you elimiate the root, you eliminate the problem. sleep on everything, it makes it better. & watch sex and the city. love it. it works out okay.

downright whore.

FACTS: [31 May 2005|09:38pm]
[ mood | okay, maybe even good. ]

- science fair didn't make me mad at you. i was mad before that.
- i'm gonna be alright.
- even though i'm going to be okay, i still do not know what the hell i want. at least not all the time.
- i want lizzie to stick with dance next year. a lot.
- going to europe would be really nice right now. because i could do a lot things there that i can't do here & i wouldn't have to be here. which is always a plus.
- you can't run from your problems.
- don't think you know what i want; you don't.
- you can't care what other people think, it'll cloud your judgement.
- don't lie to girls, they'll cry.
- you can fit two people in a leather love couch, one of them laying down.
- if you were a gay jew during WWII, you would have to wear a pink jumpsuit.
- big brother's aren't all that bad. in fact, they're quite a necessity when it comes to eating dinner.
- widgets are great; especially the dictionary one.
- no, that's not my vagina.
- my room looks really cool & is going to look even better after i paint it.
- i'm feeling extremely couture. & i want my prada frames. badly!
- i like skirts.
- emily's boyfriend is nice. & brought us to McDonald's. I owe her something like $3.07.
- i'm going to fail my fucking final. :D
- i don't think many people will get anything out of this entry. it was more for me than any of you.

She's a player and a downright whore.

[30 May 2005|06:22pm]
[ mood | couture. told you so! ]

everyone's a liar. & i hate everyone who lied to me. i'm going to wrap myself up in everything i can. everything except him, in an attempty to make myself stop liking him. "only as a friend" why can't i do this? am i stupid or crazy or something else? i don't know how to explain how angry at myself i am. it was never going to be anything more than a friendship & yet i went on believing everyone who told me it would be. "then get over him" that was a slap in the face. thanks though. i miss myself. i can't figure anything out anymore & i don't really give a shit about a lot of people that i used to care about. & yet i care deeply about a lot of people that i've only recently met. i can't wait to get a job. because then i can go shopping in NYC which will be a fabulous time with that red-headed boy. this my shittt! oh hey, note-to-self. don't ever assume people will hang out with you just because they say they will. they won't. um, yeah, that's right. i made brownies today. it was cool. homework sucks. "get out of my house" wow, i love you! don't bother calling me, i don't think you'd understand what i have to tell you. you'd just lie & tell me it's going to be alright, when it's really not. "your penis.. it's just too small!" wow, i highly enjoy sex & the city. in-too-mee-see! we're so gonna find SVU & watch tons of it. it'll be great, i promise. my dance buddy's fucking sexy. and she doesn't lie either. so we're gonna hang out with her neice. this is a random update. there's no alchol in my house. it's bad that i'm upset about that. this was a cool/random/weird update. i loved it & it was dedicated to those of you who aren't liars.

She's a player and a downright whore.

loves it! [28 May 2005|10:41pm]
[ mood | hoez. ]

i'm feeling argumentative, pissed off & really confused. but don't fucking flatter yourself because you're probably not the one i'm angry with.

edittt! my night got a little better. jason & spankayyyyCollapse )

downright whore.

text update [28 May 2005|12:40am]
[ mood | :D :D :D :D :D ]

second update today. i know, i'm annoying with my livejournal sometimes.

mmm, well today was pretty much alright.
-i got honorable mention, which was definitely fine with me.
-i took a lot of pictures with that lovely erin. (see last update.)
-i got in a fight with ashley.
-i went to the senior play with charlie. of course, lizzy and ben were great. :D
-after the senior play i went to charlie's with mike, jess & michelle. it was fun.
-my chest was used as a pillow for about two hours. but he "only guesses i made a good pillow."
-ran through the rain & got gross stuff on my feet.

& that's actually about it. it was sort of a long-ish, boring, immensely stupid at some points, really really great at some points kind of a day. i enjoyed it though.

p.s. you know, for a long time, i really did like you. but now you just piss me off. & we're really not okay. at all. in fact, i actually wish you would never ever speak to me again! but i'll clearly have to ignore my feelings of hate for you because i'm gonna have to deal with you for a while. damn!
downright whore.

science fair was today! [27 May 2005|06:10pm]
[ mood | fabulous & dandy. ]

today was science fair. & erin & i had a lot of fun with pictures so i decided to show them to you.

i'll take you to the candy shop!Collapse )
She's a player and a downright whore.

[24 May 2005|07:18pm]
[ mood | hell yessss ]

guess what...?

my birthday is in two months!!!Collapse )
She's a player and a downright whore.

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